From Warrior to Survivor

When the clock struck midnight on New Years I claimed that this year things were going to be good for me and my family. This is OUR year and I claimed it!

Yesterday was day 28 of my new treatment regimen. On day 28 I had to tread back to the cancer center for more labs, another EKG, an ultrasound, and to talk with my oncologist about the next steps, the next course of action. I didn’t sleep very well Monday night. In fact I didn’t sleep at all. I was up and at ‘em early yesterday morning, found myself in the basement pushing play and working out. Exercise for me has always been an outlet. Exercise and baking it’s how I destress.

5 and a half hours that’s how long I was at the center yesterday and most of that time was spent waiting for the lab tech, the ekg tech, the ultrasound tech, and the Dr. Waiting has never been my strong suit, and under these circumstances waiting is even worse! My mind like anyones would, goes all over the place. I kept thinking something horrible was going to happen, but I feel like after your diagnosed with cancer there’s really nothing worse they can hit you with, except what they already told me….your treatment isn’t working. That is and was my biggest fear!

While it was the longest waiting game of my life….it was in my opinion worth the wait. My blood levels were good. The one cancer antigen they ran went from being over the normal range to below the normal range of 31. The ultrasound of my lymph nodes reflected that my lymph nodes were shrinking. My EKG was normal. The physical exam gave me the sense that I’m not absolutely crazy that the tumor in my breast is in fact shrinking. All of this positive news should have me screaming from the roof tops. Talking to my best friend yesterday I just wanted to hug her scream and jump up and down like we were still in grade school, but in the back of my mind I know that with every victory there comes more challenges.

I began my second cycle of medication yesterday, and within minutes I was feeling nausea, tired, run down. Today I feel like I got hit by an 18 wheeler. The plan of action is to keep taking this medication as the oncologist put it….FOREVER unless it stops working. Let’s hope that is not the case. I’m still also receiving hormone injections, and at some point they will go from once a month to every 3. There will be no surgery, surgery runs the risk of it spreading and at a rapid pace.

I’m full of so many emotions. I’m full of hope, of gratitude and appreciation. It’s not just the medication, but I have literally done a nutritional overhaul and completely changed my diet. I feel like I’m not just relying on medication, but treating my body with respect and giving it the proper fuel I have allowed it to work on healing itself and recovering from cancer.

I’m not cured. I’m not in remission. I still have a hell of a fight ahead of me, but this brings me one step closer to victory.